Scorpius' Secret
by hopelina
Summary: Scorpius has a secret that must be kept at all costs, and he has a list of what might happen if Albus finds out.
1. The List

**Hey! The list in this chapter is a little hard to read without the ability to indent, so you may want to just read it on Archive of Our Own. The Story has the same name on there, and I have the same user name. I hope you enjoy!**

I've always known I was attracted to boys. I'm attracted to girls too, of course. I didn't make up the fact that I liked Rose. Though, after she rejected me, and as we somehow became almost-friends, I naturally got over her. But I didn't let anyone know that, because the thing is, Rose isn't the only one I had a crush on - but I couldn't let anyone know that. By "anyone," I mean Albus: the only one my age whose opinion I honestly care about. As you might have guessed already, Albus is the object of my affection.

Who else could it be but him? He whom I would, and have, followed anywhere and everywhere. The only human being who I can talk to about anything. The only person I can imagine growing old with. How could I honestly fall in love with anyone other than him? But no one can ever know, which is why when I have daydreams about Albus I always say I was thinking about Rose. She's my cover-up.

Chasing after Rose was easy. I never really expected it to work out. The rejection was always expected. When she rejected me, I knew for sure that I'd be able to move on. Of course, I could continue pursuing her, as I claim to still be doing, but that brings me to my next point. If I were to tell Albus, Merlin help me, about my more-than-platonic feelings for him, it wouldn't be so simple. As best friends, how could it possibly be so simple?

Possible Results of Confessing to Albus

Scenario A: Albus's feelings for me are platonic

A.1: He goes out of his way not to hurt my feelings

A.1.I: He says he'll think about it and never gives me a straight answer

A.1.I.a: I'm forced to press forward with a broken yet hopeful heart

A.1.I.a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. : He goes out with me out of pity

A. .a: He purposely does things to make me want to leave him and leaves me when I refuse

A. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. .b: He tries to develope feelings for me but just can't

A. .b.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. .c: He develops feelings for me (See Scenario B)

A.2: He rejects me

A.2.I: He's disgusted

A.2.I.a: He bluntly rejects me

A. .a.i: Our friendship is destroyed

A. : He tells me he can't see me that way

A. .a: Everything becomes awkward

A. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. .b: He starts teasing me without realizing it hurts me

A. .b.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A.3: He thinks I'm joking and laughs

A.3.I: I'm embarrassed and can't look him in the eye

A.3.I.a: He realizes I'm not joking

A.3.I.a.i: (See "A.1")

A.3.I. : (See "A.2")

Scenario B: He feels the same way (This is where it gets tricky)

B.1: We get together

B.1.I: I end up sucking at romantic relationships

B.1.I.a: We break up

B.1.I.a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. : Albus decides he doesn't like men

B. .a: We break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. : Albus decides he doesn't like me anymore

B. .a: We break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. : Albus decides he likes someone else better than me

B. .a: We break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B.1.V: We end up getting into a humongous lovers quarrel

B.1.V.a: We break up

B.1.V.a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B.1.V: People bully us

B. .a: We decide it's best to break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. .b: We continue our relationship

B. .b.i: (See "B.1")

B.2: Albus decides he doesn't want anyone knowing about his sexuality

B.2.I: We get together but keep our relationship secret

B.2.I.a: We can't handle keeping it secret anymore

B.1.V.a.i: We break up

B.1.V.a. : Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B.1.V. : We come out with our relationship

B.1.V. .aa: (See "B.1")

B.2.I.b: (See "B.1")

B. : We decide to try to ignore our attraction to each other

B. .a: Obvious awkwardness and sexual frustration

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

I've reread, rewritten, and modified the list countless times. This is actually the short version. It helps me remember that there's a reason that I keep these feelings hidden. My friendship with Albus is too precious to risk. And it's not like there's too much a difference between romance and our friendship. The only real difference is a higher level of affection. Physical affection is just an impulse I can fight (or, well, act on solo ). As for verbal affection, I can hardly imagine Albus and I talking like lovers; just thinking about it is so embarrassing that my face overheats.

And so, Albus will never know that I have romantic feelings for him.

 **Thank you for reading! I appreciate feedback! :)**


	2. Rose' Promise

"But I mean, it's the seventh year and I still have no idea what I want for a career," Albus rants as we walk down the hallway towards the Great Hall. "There are a gazillion options and I don't even know most of them! I might enjoy…"

As he talks, I notice Rose across the hall, waving at my general direction. And now it looks like she's gesturing for me to come over. I tap Albus on the shoulder and point at Rose.

"I think Rose is telling us to come over," I point out.

He chuckles, although he seems a little irritated. Is it because I interrupted him? "I'm pretty sure she wants you to come over, loverboy ," he teases. I force myself not to grimace. "You talk to her more than I do."

I laugh nervously.

Albus nudges me forward dismissively. "Go on, I'll be in our usual spot."

Something feels off with him, but, before I can ask him what it is, he's walking away. What would happen if I went after him? I take a deep breath and decide to see what Rose wants.

She offers me a too-friendly smile and I'm instantly suspicious. "Hey, Scorpion King," she greets. "I still have your notes from Transfiguration." Her smile turns into a mischievous grin as she takes hands me over a stack of papers she'd been holding to her chest.

My eyes nearly pop out of my skull.

Merlin! Nonononono no ! By all the possible things that could ever go wrong, why did this have to happen? On the top of the stack of papers is a paper with the headline (you guessed it): Possible Results of Confessing to Albus.

I quickly snatch the papers from her hand, crumpling the list and stuffing it into my pocket. I give her an urgently frightened look, my face hot.

Rose is not at all fazed. In a matter-of-fact tone, she says, "Most of those scenarios are completely unrealistic . You should tell him! " I cringe and attempt to tell her to quiet down, but she doesn't let me speak. "I wouldn't be surprised if he felt the same way about you." I hush her, but she simply rolls her eyes and continues, "And if he doesn't, I'm sure your guys' friendship can take it. I'm pretty sure there's nothing in existence that would stop you two from being friends."

I let out a shaky breath. "I don't want anyone to know, especially him ," I whisper. " No one was supposed to see that paper. Please , could just you forget what you saw?"

Rose huffs. "Well... I'm not going to forget it, but I might just promise not to tell him, under one condition."

I bite my lip. "Yes?"

"Stop pretending to pine after me," she declares.

I swallow and nod. "Done."

"And tell Albus that you're over me when you next see him," she adds.

My cheeks heat up. "Why…"

"If you don't comply..." Rose begins in a honey-sweet tone of voice.

I heave a sigh. "I understand. I accept your terms." I hold out my hand. "Promise?"

Rose smirks, shaking my hand. "Promise."

I nod at her as a farewell, take a moment to try and compose myself, and make my way into the Great Hall for lunch.

"Hey," I greet nervously as I sit down beside Albus.

"Hey. Have fun with your girlfriend ?" he drawls. The irritation I sensed earlier is still there. But why?

"She's actually not my girlfriend," I point out, nibbling at my food as I try to analyze him.

"I'm surprised you didn't add the 'not yet' at the end," Albus mutters, picking at his own food. Wait a second. Is he… jealous? Of course, he couldn't be jealous in the romantic sense, but...

"Actually… I don't think I really want to go out with her anymore," I admit, biting my lip.

Albus is taken aback. "What brought this on?"

I shrug, looking down at my food. "I guess I've been rejected so many times I just gave up, and being with her has lost it's appeal over time."

"So… Then, why have you been spending so much time with her?" he questions accusingly.

Yep, he's definitely jealous. Jealous that I've been spending so much time with Rose. "I still like her, just not in the romantic sense. It's completely platonic now," I explain.

Albus scrunches up his face in thought.

"You know, there's no need to be jealous of her," I tell him.

"What?" he exclaims defensively. "I'm not…"

"You're still by far my closest friend," I say calmly and earnestly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing's going to change that."

He studies me for a moment before sighing, calmer now, and looking away. "I know that…" Albus mumbles. After a pause, he smiles and adds, "Listen to us, we're acting like fourth years."

I laugh, squeezing my hand around his shoulder. Merlin, I can't seem to let go. "I guess some of us take longer to grow up than others," I joke.

Albus scoffs, but he's grinning. "Hey!"

I chortle, looking him in the eye with fond amusement, and he ends up laughing too. He half-heartedly smacks my hand off of his shoulder. "I'm not the one who's still never kissed anyone on the lips, " he teases in a hushed voice, leaning close to me so I can hear.

My heart jumps and my face flushes. "Hey!" I whisper back scoldingly.

He sticks out his tongue. "You started it."

I roll my eyes and continue eating my lunch. Neither of us means any offense to the other. In fact, I can't imagine Albus purposely offending me. Except, maybe, if he found out about…

It's weird how the topic of homosexuality has never come up between us. Or maybe it would be weird if it did? But, the thing is, I have no idea how he'd react if he found out that I'm attracted to boys, much less that I'm helplessly in love with him. There are just too many possibilities, most of which have horrible outcomes.

Rose had better keep her promise.


	3. Dirty Dreams

The hardest part about being in love with Albus is the fact that we share a room. After all, he has no qualms with getting undressed in front of me. He doesn't even know I'm bisexual (much less that I think his body is so hot and tempting that it shouldn't be legal for me to see it), so why would he? It's not that he's super fit (in fact he actually has a little bit of chub), but for some reason, when you're in love with someone, everything about them is so boundlessly perfect that it drives you crazy because it's just so them . He's just so Albus , and, when I see even a glance of him unclothed, I can't control my thoughts from wandering towards what it would be like to touch that body and… Merlin , I need to stop! So, here I am, desperately studying advanced arithmancy in the middle of the night because I can't get those images out of my head.

It's not fair. Thoughts are evil. Hormones are evil. I want him so bad that it hurts . But I don't want to want him. I can't ruin our friendship.

But I also can't fight the lewd, stubborn thoughts which invade my mind. I guess it can't hurt too much as long as I don't actually do anything about my fantasies. So, for a little bit, I just succumb and let myself daydream.

I wake up by a shake of my shoulder without even realizing I fell asleep. At my desk. Ow, my back… I guess those "daydreams" were really dreams.

"Mmmh?" I hum, blinking my eyes open.

"We're late for Potions," Albus says.

I blush at the sound of his voice. The voice I dreamt was moaning as we did dirty things with each other. His hand is still on my shoulder, and the skin he's touching is tingling. And, of course, I still have a boner. There's no way I can look at him right now.

Trying to play it cool, I stretch my body out to try and crack my aching back. But it just making it hurt worse. I groan.

"We could just skip," he suggests. "It's better than walking in late."

I sigh. Normally I'd say no, but I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all. "Yeah, sure," I croak.

Albus hesitates. "Maybe you should get some more rest. What were you doing studying arithmancy all night? I thought you were ahead in all of your classes?"

I cringe. "I, umm…" I can't lie to him. "Actually… I've had a lot on my mind. It just helps me to get my mind off things."

There's a pause. "Things…?" Albus asks, sounding confused and concerned. My heart feels like it's being squeezed. "What's going on that I don't know about?"

I swallow. "Just… things…"

"What's wrong? Why won't you look at me?"

I bite my lip and look him in the eye nervously. Worry shines in his eyes with an undertone of frustration. Merlin, why couldn't I have just gone to bed instead of falling asleep at my desk? Well, at least my boner's going away now, I think dryly.

"What's going on?" Albus asks again.

I shake my head and force a fake smile. "It's fine, really. I'm fine!"

Whoops. Wrong words. Now he's upset. "Why won't you tell me what's going on?"

I'm at a loss for words. That's the thing about keeping secrets from Albus. I've only been able to hide my secret from him for so long by using misleading words when the subject comes around. I can't bring myself to straight out lie to him. So, since he's now asking me straight questions, I'm backed into a corner.

"Does Rose know?"

I cringe and look away.

" Rose knows , and you won't tell me?" Albus exclaims.

"It's none of your business," I force out.

Painful silence ensues.

"Fine," Albus barks after what seems like an eternity. The sound of his footsteps tells me that he's leaving. I hear the door to our room close.

I drop my forehead onto my desk. Why did it have to turn out this way?


	4. Secret Revealed

Ugh.

It's been over 26 hours since we've talked. It's a new record! Sigh... We're both sulking to the point that we aren't talking to each other. It's not that I'm avoiding him, I just don't know what to say to him. I tried acting like nothing happened, and he flat out ignored me. I knew this secret would damage our friendship, but I didn't think it would ruin it when he didn't even know the truth.

Maybe, at this point, it would be better if I just told him. But I mean, what kind of confession is an apology? And what kind of apology is a confession? And, now that I think about it, I have no idea how he'll react. I once thought I knew him like the back of my hand, but I guess this is one of the many reasons "love is blind." The term isn't in its usual context, but it's true. When it comes to Albus, I can't think clearly.

But something needs to happen. I can't take this any longer, and it's been agony going at it this long. I'm just going to apologize, and see what happens from there.

It's dinner time in the Great Hall and Albus is in our usual spot. I take a deep breath before walking over and tapping him on the shoulder.

He looks at me with a swirl of emotions. There's frustration, relief, and hurt, but mostly there's hope. His hope sparks a bit of hope in me, too.

"Can we talk?" I ask nervously.

Albus takes a visually deep breath before smiling softly. "Yes, we can."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

We leave the Great Hall and Albus suggests, "How about we talk in the Slytherin Dungeons?"

I bite my lip and nod.

My heart is hammering all the way to our room. Once we're there, I sit down on the edge of my bed, and Albus sits down beside me.

I take a deep breath. I look into Albus' eye apologetically. "I'm sorry. I swear I wouldn't be keeping anything from you unless I thought it was absolutely necessary. And I didn't tell Rose, she just kind of found out."

Albus looks at his lap. "I talked to Rose." I hold my breath. "She said she wasn't allowed to say anything, but then she gave me something." Albus pulls a folded piece of paper out of his robes.

I tense. No, I'm not ready for this. Rose must have made a copy! Why did he have to find out this way?

"I read it, and I made a few changes," he says surprisingly calmly. He unfolds it and offers it to me. "Read it."

Well, he's not disgusted with me. That's a good start. Shaking slightly and taking a deep breath, I take the paper from his hands.

Possible Results of Confessing to Albus

Scenario A: Albus's feelings for me are platonic

A.1: He goes out of his way not to hurt my feelings

A.1.I: He says he'll think about it and never gives me a straight answer

A.1.I.a: I'm forced to press forward with a broken yet hopeful heart

A.1.I.a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. : He goes out with me out of pity

A. .a: He purposely does things to make me want to leave him and leaves me when I refuse

A. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. .b: He tries to develop feelings for me but just can't

A. .b.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. .c: He develops feelings for me (See Scenario B)

A.2: He rejects me

A.2.I: He's disgusted

A.2.I.a: He bluntly rejects me

A. .a.i: Our friendship is destroyed

A. : He tells me he can't see me that way

A. .a: Everything becomes awkward

A. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A. .b: He starts teasing me without realizing it hurts me

A. .b.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

A.3: He thinks I'm joking and laughs

A.3.I: I'm embarrassed and can't look him in the eye

A.3.I.a: He realizes I'm not joking

A.3.I.a.i: (See "A.1")

A.3.I. : (See "A.2")

 **(For a genius, you really are oblivious)**

Scenario B: He feels the same way (This is where it gets tricky)

B.1: We get together **(Yes, please!)**

B.1.I: I end up sucking at romantic relationships **(Like everyone our age)**

B.1.I.a: We break up **We work it out**

B.1.I.a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. : Albus decides he doesn't like men

B. .a: We break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. : Albus decides he doesn't like me anymore

B. .a: We break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. : Albus decides he likes someone else better than me

B. .a: We break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B.1.V: We end up getting into a humongous lovers quarrel

B.1.V.a: We break up **We work it out**

B.1.V.a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B.1.V: People bully us **(Like they already do)**

B. .a: We decide it's best to break up

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B. .b: We continue our relationship

B. .b.i: (See "B.1")

B.2: Albus decides he doesn't want anyone knowing about his sexuality

B.2.I: We get together but keep our relationship secret

B.2.I.a: We can't handle keeping it secret anymore

B.1.V.a.i: We break up

B.1.V.a. : Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

B.1.V. : We come out with our relationship

B.1.V. .aa: (See "B.1")

B.2.I.b: (See "B.1")

B. : We decide to try to ignore our attraction to each other

B. .a: Obvious awkwardness and sexual frustration

B. .a.i: Our friendship is damaged or destroyed

 **And we live happily ever after!**

Okay, this is not what I expected. Is it hot in here? Well, all my negative emotions have gone away (except embarrassment). My heart's beating really fast, but, instead of sludge, it's pumping adrenaline through my veins. I feel like a ginormous weight has been lifted off of me, and yet… I can't seem to muster up the courage to look at Albus. He's probably been watching me this whole time, taking in my every reaction. I've never been in this situation before. What do I do? How do I act?

I feel Albus scoot closer to me, so close that our sides are almost touching. I finally look up and Albus is looking at me hopefully and expectantly and… oh, Merlin, I feel like I'm melting. I bite my lip.

Albus' hand moves to my mid back, and I twitch as a shiver goes down my spine.

"So what do you want to happen? I'm sure you've read what I wrote by now. And I know that you wrote the rest, because not only have you not denied it, but it's very clearly your handwriting and your pen. You used the pen I gave you last Christmas."

My brain is an incoherent mess. We're sitting so close. Albus has never touched me this intimately. Albus… really has romantic feelings for me. I swallow and try to force myself to formulate words. "I…"

Okay, I said one word. That's enough, right? No, it's not. It's not even a real response.

I impulsively reach for Albus' face, because I can now. I touch the side of his face gingerly. It's softer and warmer than I thought it would be.

Apparently, my actions are sufficient as a response, because Albus' hand on my back moves up to my neck and the distance between our faces shortens more and more until...

Woah. I feel a little dizzy. Kissing isn't quite how I imagined it. Lips aren't nearly as sensitive as… other areas , but it gives me a different kind of high. It feels like there's a fluffy cloud where my heart once was.

When we part and my eyes open, I can see nothing but adoration in Albus' amazing green eyes.

"I love you," I whisper without really intending to. I'm in such a daze that it just sort of came out.

Albus smiles and touches his forehead to mine.

"I love you, too, Scorpius," he says, and he sounds so sincere that I can't resist leaning up and placing a lingering kiss on his forehead.

Albus wraps his arms around me and I return the gesture. We hold each other close, and I realize how foolish I've been for going to such lengths to keep my secret. I can't think of a single thing I'd rather be doing than being with my dear Albus.

Perhaps love isn't meant to be kept a secret.


End file.
